New Year's Resolution - 2013

New Year's Resolution

This year, I really want to change an aspect of my personality which has caused a

tremendous heartache for myself, loss of friends, distance from even loved ones.

I am a control freak.

I've lost friendships (even ones over a decade old) due to my constant need for control.

The weird part is, I was not even remotely aware of my behavior. It wasn't until, I was

asking for advice regarding my former best friend of over 10 years that I had realized

the truth about myself.

Yes, everyone needs a certain level of control, discipline to function in society, but the

level of control, I need to have is sometimes too rigid. In fact, it is this level of control

that has disabled me in being in a relationship.

It brings up a painful memory, "when asked have you ever loved someone?"

I had to answer, "No".

I am reading a self help book entitled: Too Perfect: When being in control is out of

control and reading the first chapter of the book on my flight from SNA to ORD, I cried

uncontrollably as certain aspects of the chapter was the harsh reality that I had been

living with.

Certain aspects of the chapter which were undeniably true:

While I will not go into specifics exactly who these quotes apply to, I felt the need to

share them as the start of a healing process for myself, especially to the people I care

about that I may have hurt, and apologize to the ones I no longer talk to.

To accompany this blog, is one of the songs that still rings true to the core of my

childhood, "Perfect" by Alanis Morissette

LYRICS

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up

How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her

I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
 That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect

Mahalo for reading. 

Until next time.