Some people have been asking about the book I am reading, so here it is:
Too Perfect: When being in control gets our of control
Written by: Allan E. Mallinger, M.D., and Jeannette Dewyze
eISBN: 978-0-304-79862-6
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In regards to my self-diagnosis as a control freak, the first phase is acknowledgement.
Thank you for your support and understanding.
I just wanted to quote certain aspects of the book that I found to particularly interesting:
Pg. 10 - Obsessive people often are controlling or cerebral or distrustful or secretive or emotionally constricted or resistant to change or all of the above.
Pg. 12 - For this reason, I believe that my readers' most important tool will be understanding - coming to a clearer and deeper awareness of obsessive traits and of how they may be causing problems in everyday life, coupled with some idea of how things could be better if certain changes were made.
Pg. 13 - You're one of the solid, good people of the world: honest, reliable, hardworking, responsible, exacting, self-controlled. But for many people there is also a dark side to this perfection.
> The person so finicky that his pleasure is spoiled if everything isn't "just so".
> The "thinkaholic" whose keen, hyperactive mind all too often bogs her down in painful worry and rumination
> The person so intent upon finding the ultimate romantic mate that he seems unable to commit to any long-term relationship
> The person so acclimated to working long hours that she can't bring herself to cut back, even when confronted with evidence that the overwork is ruining her health or her family relationships.
Pg. 14 - Rooted in these two needs: to be in control and to be perfect
> emotional guardedness
> a strong devotion to work
>a need to be above criticism - moral, professional or personal
Pg. 16 - I learned that Laura's father had been a picky, judgmental man with inflexible views on the "right" way to do everything. Laura thus grew up believing that in order to earn her father's love (an impossible task, since he was so hard to please), she had to perform flawlessly.
Pg. 17 - Raymond insisted that he did care about his wife and she should know it; her needs for more overt displays of affection from him were just indications of her insecurity.
Pg. 18 - A significant number of my obsessive patients reveal that they didn't feel liked by one or both parents. These patients felt that they'd been "good" children and had made real efforts to meet their parents' expectations, only to find a lack of consistent appreciation, or worse, criticism.
Pg. 19 - Though they maybe be inured to it, many strongly obsessive people are suffering. They may be unable to show their feelings or trust anyone (even their closest loved ones) completely, and as a result live with the chilling sense of being fundamentally alone.
Pg. 21 - Further clarification of the family of obsessive traits. (I've only included a few)
1. Do you get caught up in details, whether you're preparing for work or cleaning out the garage at home?
3. Have you often been called picky or critical? Or do you feel you are?
4. Is it important to you that your child, spouse, or subordinated at work perform certain tasks in a certain specific manner?
12. Is it important to you to get a "good deal" in your financial transactions, or are you often suspicious of being "taken"?
13. Do you think you're more guarded than most people about sharing your possessions, time, or money?
20. Do you get extremely upset when someone is unhappy with or critical of a piece of work you have done, even when the criticism is mild or valid?
These are the quotes that I found to be very interesting in the Introduction and Chapter 1. In fact, many pages included many aspects to my own personal life that I found myself crying while reading many of these pages. I've started the healing process, but I have found that reading this book provides many explanations regarding my mentality which explains past actions.
I should be finished with the book this month, I'll be posting more about my development regarding this topic.
Mahalo for reading.
Until next time.
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