Sometimes, when you have someone there through the roughest patches of your life, you imagine they would be there when life is simpler.
Unfortunately, like most things in life, even relationships are uncertain.
This is an email, I sent to my best friend of a decade on January 27th - still no response. Wish you the best Edwin.
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I know you're crazy busy, so I thought I'd just share my thoughts with you via email.
I'm just going to share what I am thinking and you can choose what you want to do about it.
I feel like we've been growing apart. Its really weird, I feel that you have a friend in me, but I don't have a friend in you. I called 10 times, and if anyone called me that many times friend or not, I'd call to make sure they were alive and that they were ok.
The last 2 years you've had 60 days of leave. I took the whole year of 2011 off. You spent 2 days with me and brought your BF - you even asked me if it was ok, how am I suppose to say no!? I don't know, I guess I always catered to your time schedule and needs and never the other way around. When I was in school in 2010, I had the whole summer off, guess what? you came to visit, while I was in school and you brought your mom - and you said to me - Oh, I wish we could have hang out more...
The last time we talked I told you I was depressed... You said, oh good, to get your mind off of depression.. I'm not sure if I ever told you I was depressed, but you never asked me why.
You can always confide in me, share your thoughts, I never judge you. I can't do the same with you.
You're a smart guy, you're accomplished, but one thing you forgot along the way is how to be a friend.
Yes, I'm moving, Yes, I haven't worked in a year. (and no, don't try to compare it to your moving - with all your expenses paid and your fixed income), I don't know what the future holds and I'm scared, and I can't share that with my best friend.
I guess I've spent almost all of my adult here in Hawaii, you were here in the beginning and the middle of that, the last couple of years - you haven't been there at all. You're not even in my thoughts really - that's what scares me.
All of my friends and family knows that I am moving and all of them have made plans with me. I'm going to Dominican Republic and Haiti as a graduation present to myself.
You might think that me moving is going to change everything between us and put everything back to the way they were - its not. Not unless you decide you want to be my friend again and make an effort. Once I go back to work, schedule will become further complicated.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say... I guess I'm moving on with my life and writing the next chapters of my life. You've gone from being a major character to just a cameo. Don't get me wrong, I'll be there for you when you need me.
Its even sad the few times when we do talk, you talk to me like we're meeting at a social and we've only met each other once before. All the phony, How are you?! etc.
I guess I'm losing one of my best friends, and if you want to be a part of my life, you're going to have to make the effort.
Don't give me theoretical thoughts about being a friend. Just prove it. All you have to do is try and it'll fall back into place.
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Mahalo for reading.
Until next time.
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